Happy Birthday Evan.

This was my vision...

Thursday is Evan's birthday.  I am excited to celebrate and was determined NOT to make it a birthmas. 

 I was going to make a cake, frosting, and fondant all from scratch.  I had seen my mom do it tons of times and really didn't seem too hard.  I googled cake decorating (notice above) and found a simple cute one.  EASY.  I headed to the gym to watch Cake Boss (I only get to watch television by running) for about an hour.  It was a great workout and was pumped to conquer the kitchen.

After 10 minutes I quit separating
the eggs and their whites.

First thing is first: make a cake.  It called to separate the eggs and its whites.  I had never done this, but had seen Julia and Julie, so if some old lady could do it, I could too.  IT'S NOT THAT EASY.  Yes, there is some yolk in the cake.  I only have the patience for 10 minutes to separate four eggs.  By that point I said whatever and everything went in.  Okay, it mixed wonderfully and smelled fabulous.  I even put sour cream in it because I read it makes it moist.  I was rocking it.  I stuck it in the oven and set it to bake for 25 minutes.  Now onto the fondant..

Fondant actually is gorilla glue.

I had never made this, but had talked to Kerri the day before about how to do it.  It involved marshmallows, water, vanilla and powder sugar.  Melting the mallows, I started to get a little nervous… it said to add the water, vanilla, and 2 lbs of powder sugar.  I did that, but misread the directions and thought it said 2 cups of powder sugar.  I stirred and stirred and stirred.  The mixture was not becoming stiff like the directions said to knead.  

I got an "Emily Idea."  Why not put it on the table and try it with my hands?  I sprinkled a little powder sugar on the table and had 10 minutes to make this work.  As soon as I stuck my hands in, I realized this was NOT going to work.  It was like gorilla glue.  My hands were covered, it got on my cloths, face, and hair, and the timer was ticking.  Time was up and I had to check the cakes.  I desperately tried to rinse off my hands and opened the oven.  They were not done.  I decided to just wait it out.  It took another 20 minutes until I decided enough was enough for cake baking.  I stuck a fork in it to see if it was done and the cakes DEFLATED!!! Omgoodness, I was in a panic that I had just killed my amazing cake.  Could I just cover it up with frosting right?  YEP!  Also, since I baked them so long would they are dry?  Time will only tell.  

Back to the fondant kneading…

I was at my wits end and call Evan for help.  Even if it was his birthday I needed someone to help me.  I pressed the phone's memory button with my nose and called.  He came right over, but the sight he encountered was pretty hilarious.  I had my hands stuck in the fondant, and was a mess.  After laughing and taking a picture (which I know will haunt me in my later years), he jumped in and took over the fondant.  He saw my mistake instantly… I had misread the directions.  He saved the fondant!! Alrighty, we were on a baking roll!  

While he was there I decided to make the frosting… AWFUL.  It looked like cottage cheese and tasted like a nasty butter flavor.  I thought maybe it would shape up over night.  We put it in the fridge to see…

The next day was the same story.  It was still cottage-cheese frosting.  Oiy!  I went to the store to get new ingredients for new frosting.  Frosting #2 was my mom's recipe.  Well I altered it (of course because I can never follow the directions), and it turned out to be a soupy mess.  I called my mom at 12:30 a.m. tonight to cry about my disaster.  Mom just laughed and laughed and said that baking is something I never really have been able to do.  This just made me even more determined to make frosting.  Tomorrow I am buying more powder sugar, and that frosting-batter-substance will be owned.  

Evan - I am glad you aren't diabetic because this will be a jammed packed sugar cake.  

Happy Birthday :)

"You try so hard in the kitchen, but it never works out for you."
- Mom