Interesting thought just came to mind tonight. Each night I run past a certain spot and pray a glimmer of hope will be shown. Each night I run past that certain spot and my heart sinks. Tonight I came to the conclusion that that particular spot was ridiculous. I realized how easily something as tiny as a decision can alter a relationship. I try to not hold grudges and have attempted to talk to this person, but it is like asking the turtle to run a mile in 5 minutes flat. People have different pathes they choose. I am satisfied currently. However, I know I suck at keeping relationships with friends, boyfriends, and sometimes family. I just plain stink at it. No excuses. I do treasure though anyone that is/have been in my life. Even if I was cheated on by the person, lied to, or stood up. They ultimately have made me who I am today.
I realized that I am not a typical 23 year old. If I write a thank you I am laughed at. If I decide not to opt for South Park or Family Guy I am looked upon as a weirdo. I like arts, culture, the body for which God made you to use, daydreaming, volunteering, or just doodling. I have realized most people don't. Also that I cannot identify singers/movies or recite lines. I am fine with that, but is difficult to stay engaged with conversations when it continuly revolves around it. This is so discouraging to me.
I have realized I am absolutely confused about what I want to do. Right now I have an amazing job that hardly anyone has the opportunity to do at 23, but something is missing. I already know how to do it. I am challenged but not. It is difficult to explain. As time slips away I have begun thinking more and more about China or South Asia. I would love to teach. Escape everything.... but not. If I ever did this my family would be a world away. No Baby Kuecker, Mom, Siblings, cousins, grandparents, friends... then I would be missing something again. Ah, thank goodness for long runs.
But I guess this is a heavier hearted blog. My apologies. Typically I am pretty upbeat and crazy on here, but I guess that is what happens when you live alone, right?
I realized that I am not a typical 23 year old. If I write a thank you I am laughed at. If I decide not to opt for South Park or Family Guy I am looked upon as a weirdo. I like arts, culture, the body for which God made you to use, daydreaming, volunteering, or just doodling. I have realized most people don't. Also that I cannot identify singers/movies or recite lines. I am fine with that, but is difficult to stay engaged with conversations when it continuly revolves around it. This is so discouraging to me.
I have realized I am absolutely confused about what I want to do. Right now I have an amazing job that hardly anyone has the opportunity to do at 23, but something is missing. I already know how to do it. I am challenged but not. It is difficult to explain. As time slips away I have begun thinking more and more about China or South Asia. I would love to teach. Escape everything.... but not. If I ever did this my family would be a world away. No Baby Kuecker, Mom, Siblings, cousins, grandparents, friends... then I would be missing something again. Ah, thank goodness for long runs.
But I guess this is a heavier hearted blog. My apologies. Typically I am pretty upbeat and crazy on here, but I guess that is what happens when you live alone, right?
~ Rock on, Rocking out ~
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