Bump

So there I was running by Floyd.  Yes, it is the same Floyd from volleyball games.  He walks at 5:00p.m. each day, and this is typically when I run.  It has almost become a routine to get treadmills by each other and talk.  

Today I disclosed my frustration with myself.  I haven't told many people, but AdFarm is not happening.  They didn't time to create an internship nor money.  Understandable.  They were very nice and forwarded my application with recommendation onto other organizations.  I really don't feel anything will come about.  But in classic Emily style I sent thank you cards to AdFarm for the consideration.  Yes, I thanked them for rejection.  

James 1:2-4

Consider it all joy when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

So now what… yeah, I wish I had an answer.  Floyd said since I am a grad student I should just focus on getting done with it.  I don't want to.  I am so sick of seeing my thesis all marked up each time I get it back from a review.  If I put my summer focus on it I will seriously be grumpy for 180 days.  Floyd suggested I do an odd job around the Brookings area.  I told him I did grounds keeping last year and did not want to go back.  He didn't understand why I would want to give that up, and he was serious about that.  

I feel since people know I am getting my master's I should have some fabulous job.  I feel if I go back to grounds keeping everyone will look at me and think I wasted two years of my life.  I threw money down the drain.  But I didn't...I know I didn't.  I have gained experience with marketing, more insight on conflict management, research, group dynamics, etc.  I have gained Noble's friendship and I meet Evan.  Yet, I have that thought people are going to severely judge me.  

2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Therefore, we do not lose heart.  Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.  

Now what?  I guess I'm not sure.  I hate being lost.  I do know things happen for a reason… but why do those bumps in the road have to hurt so much?  Why can't I say Abracadabra and all questions are answered?  

Romans 8:31

If God is for us, who can ever be against us?

I want to be 5 years old again.  Then my biggest problem was convincing Dad to get me a pony.  Convincing Mom I didn't need to do Saturday morning chores.  Convincing Landon I could dress him up as a girl.  Convincing Alyssa to let me play with her Barbies.  Convincing Steve to let me tag along.   I miss Dad.  I miss Mom.  I miss my siblings.  As always, this hiccup in my college journey will pass.

Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you.  They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.