Toilet Talk

From living with Nick for 1.5 years I have learned the signs of when we'll have an interesting night. 

1.) I have not seen Nick since 6:30 a.m.

2.) I could hear the door opening slowly and fumbling with the lock. 

3.) A moaning voice came from the bottom of the stairs saying "Emily, girls are dumb.  None like me."

These all happened tonight.  Nick came home feeling 'good' and stood in the living room doorway.  It was the usual scene where he starts to pass out standing up and I completely ignore him.  

But tonight had a different twist...  

He decided to go to the bathroom.  Even after being in there for ten minutes, I didn't think anything of it.  (After working with guys, living with guys, and having close friends I am not alarmed by the crazy bathroom time lengths). However, as the time stretched on I became slightly annoyed.  

Then I heard it… a freight train.  Nick has now been passed out on the toilet snoring for 45 minutes.  I need to use the bathroom and refuse to walk downtown to use a bathroom. 

The way my luck has been going he'll be disoriented, open the door, and forget to pull up his pants.  This has as been the best toilet talk to-date.

Tomorrow I fully intend to ask him how comfortable it was… This is how I imagine it… Sit on the toilet with your head on the toilet tank and relax. Use a role of toilet paper like a holder for your head.