Puppy Pawn

For the record, I'm not being mean.  I am going to state the truth.

My roommate has problems with the ladies.  

Here is what contributes to his issues:

• Being 33 years-old and hitting on 18 year-old girls.  -- SLIGHT age difference. 
• Telling girls upfront he thinks they are cute and they probably should date.  -- Creepy
• Excessive drinking, which results in no filter.
• Putting on a drama about being single and never been kissed before. -- There was already a movie made on this!!
• Believing he will date the next Miss America.  -- Yeah, I don't think that will happen for several reasons buddy.

Anyways, yesterday he came home from Skinner's Bar and told me about a cute waitress he met.  I never have the heart to tell him there is not a chance this girl will go for him.  He was convinced if I went with him downtown that night the other girls would think he was normal.  

Now I considered it for .02 seconds, but crushed his hopes.  There was not a chance I was going to be used as a pawn.  He didn't go downtown last night.

The funny thing is as I think about it Nick always wanted a puppy.  However, the apartment doesn't allow dogs… so you know how guys buy puppies to attract girls at a park?  Nick settled for me.  In Nick's eyes, I'm a Labrador puppy.